Debi Haden

From the blog

Seeking revenge…Helpful or harmful?

Seeking revenge is a natural human instinct that can be sparked by feelings of anger, hurt, and betrayal. For many of us when we have felt hurt or wronged by another person or organisation we have secretly in our heads plotted our revenge, I know I have! We have also all read the tabloid stories of people who actively go out and seek revenge, destroying property, outing someone publicly, or in some extreme cases hurting someone physically.

The desire for revenge can be overwhelming and can consume our thoughts, leaving us feeling powerless and alone. But, does seeking revenge actually make us feel better? In this blog post, we will explore the pros and cons of seeking revenge and whether it is a harmful or helpful coping mechanism.

On the one hand, some people argue that seeking revenge can provide a sense of closure and justice, helping us to move on from the hurt and betrayal we have experienced. The act of revenge can provide an outlet for our anger and can make us feel as though we have regained some sense of control over the situation. Additionally, seeking revenge can also be a way of communicating our boundaries and letting others know that their actions will not be tolerated.

On the other hand, many experts argue that seeking revenge can actually lead to more harm than good. Taking revenge can prolong the healing process and can lead to more negative emotions such as guilt, shame, and regret. Additionally, seeking revenge can also lead to more violence and aggression, creating a cycle of retaliation that can be difficult to break. Furthermore, seeking revenge may not address the underlying issues that led to the hurt and betrayal in the first place. It can be more beneficial to focus on understanding and resolving the root causes.

Revenge is often seen as a way to cope with negative emotions such as anger, hurt, and betrayal. Some people may also seek revenge as a way to restore their sense of self-worth and self-esteem. When we feel wronged, it can be easy to doubt our own worth and value as a person. However, research suggests that this coping strategy can be ineffective, and in some cases, lead to more negative emotions in the long run. Instead, I recommend finding healthier ways to cope with difficult emotions such as talking to a therapist, practising mindfulness, or engaging in self-care activities.

Seeking revenge may provide a temporary sense of closure, but it can also lead to more harm than good. Instead of focusing on revenge, it is important to focus on your own healing and finding healthier ways to cope with difficult emotions. Ultimately, seeking revenge is not a healthy way to deal with negative emotions and the long-term effects can be harmful. It’s important to understand that people make mistakes, and it’s crucial for your own well-being to let go of resentment and anger and work towards focusing on understanding and if possible if its possible, forgiveness.

Focusing on negative emotions can be draining both physically and mentally, and if you continuously dwell on them, it can deplete your energy and potentially lead to health issues. It’s important to consider if the person or situation that’s consuming your energy is worth your time and effort. Additionally, think about what other things you could be doing with your time and energy if you weren’t expending them in this way.

A constructive way to release pent-up emotions is by writing a letter to the person or organization that has angered you, without the intent of sending it. This can serve as a means of expressing your feelings in a safe and private space. Allow yourself to fully express your thoughts and feelings in the letter. Once you feel that you have released everything, destroy the letter by burning it or shredding it. As you do so, remind yourself that this person or organization is not worth your energy and that you choose to focus on yourself and those who care and love you.

My late father once told me that the most effective form of revenge is to achieve success in one’s own life, and as he often was… he was absolutely correct!

If you would like any help and support to cope with letting go of negative emotions then please contact me to arrange a free clarity call to discuss how I can help you move forward with your life.

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